Diamondbacks Announce Fan Appreciation Day

The Evergreen Park Diamondbacks revealed details of their much-anticipated fan appreciation day.

D-Backs Release “Shock and Awe” on Naperville

The Diamondbacks resembled the United States military this weekend as they destroyed their two opponents, the Naperville Cardnials and the Cicero Cubs. The aftermath of the two-day shelling by the Evergreen Park squad required the attention of United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan to broker a cease fire between them and the visiting teams.

Comedy of Errors Prevent D-Back Sweep

The Evergreen Park Diamondbacks split the twin-billing against the Chicago Strays. Manager Joe Cipolla says the team needs to get back to the basic fundamentals of baseball.

Canseco to Congress: “I Injected Senese.”

Say it ain’t so – Former MLB player Jose Canseco says that he injected Sergio Senese several times over the course of the 2004 season. Senese, who struggled mightily that year at the plate, denied the allegations and said that he will fight to clear his name.

Crylon Drops Sponsorship of Diamondbacks

The Evergreen Park Diamondbacks were dropped by their sponsor Crylon – known for its “no runs, no drips, no errors” campaign. A spokesperson for the company said that recent plague of errors the team had made in the past weeks convinced them that the Diamondbacks and Crylon “no longer shared common brand attributes.”

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